How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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