dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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