I will die if light touches me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
