You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
