dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
