If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
