I met the friendliest cop last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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