All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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