He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
