My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
