Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize