Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?