i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it