Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.