Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
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some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.