Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
