take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
