Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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