"it" just moved
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
