Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
