A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
