I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
