I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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