She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
