Duck Duck Cougar?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
