Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
