bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
