I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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