Betty ford says i'm here all night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
