Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
