don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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