PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
