This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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