she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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