Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
