No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
