Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
