I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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