stop calling my apartment porn island.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
