my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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