Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
