the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
