How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
