You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
