Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
