I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
