ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
