There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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