i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
