It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long