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Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Randomize
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