He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?