yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!