All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.