Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too