He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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