you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I touched a dick in church today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
