hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
