capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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