She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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