I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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