Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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