True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
