Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
