It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
