I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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