your room smells of hookers.
And success
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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