Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
