dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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