Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
