Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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