I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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