sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
