dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
