Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
