I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
