i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
