I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
