i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
