Jerry, you need to find god
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
