I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
