kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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