I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
