One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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