I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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