At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
