I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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